30/30/05

 

Eyes Closed, Yet Open…

 

When I close my eyes, I see you, as if they are open.

When I awaken, you are the first thought on my mind,

even through the night, as I awaken, I think of you.

 

I shake my head, with my eyes yet closed because it

seems surreal. I hear your voice in my psyche as if you are here.

I see you in my mind’s eyes, as you were, as you became,

and as you were in the end.

 

All of the visions bring a smile with tears. As I said goodbye to

you, after your transition, I smiled when I first saw you.

I smiled because I love you so much. I smiled because God has

been so good. I smiled because I know how much you loved me.

I smiled because you are now at peace.

 

My heart is in pieces, as if it truly hurts from grief.

Tears come so frequently. I just let them flow.

I visit your sepulcher often because it calms me.

It still feels weird. It is as if I am waiting for my eyes to

really open up and I learn it was a dream and I can talk to

you again. I can make you laugh. You can make me laugh.

You will be here. Yet, every morning when I awaken, it hurts

that it isn’t a dream and you are not here in the flesh.

 

I am comforted by knowing you are at peace.

Yet I am trying to cope with the pain. I miss you.

I love you. I will keep my eyes open, all the way

so I can focus on how you impacted so many.

I will focus on the bond we had. I will focus on how

you were always there. I will focus on how you loved me

despite. Even when I was wrong, you loved me. Even when I told

you of wrongs, you loved me. You never judged me. You never neglected

me. You were like my other mother.

 

You are at peace. As I came from seeing you after the transition,

a single dove sat on the bricks near a window at my house. Just one dove,

a gray dove was there. Doves are synonymous to peace.

It was a sign that you are at peace.  White is a symbol of peacefulness.

The white owls in the tree near your resting place are symbols of peace.

As I drove up late one evening, one owl left. One remained in the tree.

 

I shall keep my eyes open. It doesn’t matter if they are closed, yet open

or open, yet closed. You are still in my heart. You always will be. I love you to

infinity. ∞

Candace L. Gillespie, ©2013

Advertisements