(Written July 2012)
Black, a Black woman, I am. Yet I am of the “brown” persuasion. My color, I love. The skin I’m in, I so adore. God made me, “me”, for a reason. So much I have endured. There are times I wondered why. Then I realized I am still standing by His grace.
The fire thrown at me, may have produced a blister. Yet it didn’t leave 3rd degree burns on or within me. I may have been bruised many times. Yet, I only have scratches, that prove I have healed. Through it all, He has kept me. He is keeping me because my life is not complete, according to Him. I yet have a purpose according to His will. So much has been inflicted upon me because He knows I can withstand it all.
At a young and tender age, I was mistreated. I was emotionally abused while trying to learn at school. I was called names. I was degraded. Even though I was, I kept going. I knew then it was more to my life than my third grade year in school.
Yes, I have been hurt in many ways. My character and my worth has been degraded. Yet, I kept going. I kept pushing. Many mistakes I have made. Yes, many I no longer regret because it was part of my life’s design. If I hadn’t made them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be the person I am becoming either. Even though we are supposedly born with a ‘tabula rasa’, We really aren’t because God already knew what He was going to instill inside of us to make us who we are supposed to be.
When things go awry, I tap into my faith in Him. I keep thanking Him through it all. Even on my worst days, I am still grateful. There is still many things to smile about and thank Him for. Even when my eyes are red from the down pouring of tears, I thank Him because I am alive and I can feel. I am not emotionless or cold-hearted. Nothing is or ever will be perfect. We just have to fit in our own skin and love ourselves despite what comes against us. We have only one shot at life, one life to live. We have to make the best of it and be grateful for what we have. We have what we are supposed to have. We are where we are supposed to be, even if right now we are crying, lacking, wishing, or waiting on a breakthrough. These times are supposed to increase our faith. These are the times we are supposed to talk to God about it all.
When people do us wrong, remember it is only so much wrong people can continue to do and get by with before God steps it and handles it His way. Even though we are all His children, He doesn’t like for us to mistreat each other. His vengeance reigns.
All of the foolery makes me stronger. I may become damaged, yet never broken because He built me, this Black lady, of the brown persuasion, to withstand it all. He created me tough, in His likeness. He knows and understands me when others do not. What more could I ask for? I am so glad I know Who my source is and Who holds my future